So busy, I might break!

Wow! I have been so busy over the past week that I suppose it was inevitable that two things might suffer. One, certainly, was my health and I have been stuck with a horrible cold since last Wednesday. The other appears to have been entries on my blog, which is just daft. Anyhow, I shall stick to the highlights and try to fill in the rest with a selection of pictures.

My visit to review The Immodest Tease Show, or TITS as it has been named in certain circles, proved to be a highlight. Ended up stood next to Leah & Richard, BB5?? wannabee slebs (pardon the phrase). Leah had really huge knockers – no, really, there is probably not a better word – squeezed into rather a fetching corset. Richard was also in a corset and the b/f suggested that could help him with his posture. I suspect that’s not all he would want to help him with……

There was fun to have over the Bank Holiday weekend with a visit to Madame JoJo’s and a chance to see the wonderful Miss Terri at work at last. Honestly, it’s hen night heaven but there is nothing more satisfying than hearing great vocals and having a good old boogy! I loved it and so too, it appears did Me Julie, visiting ‘Oirish David and Graham, The Pirate King and Jonotron – had to hold my breathe when Miss Terri asked the audience for any more couples getting married – and the lovely Jacqui. Fun times, indeed.

Monday was spent in the delightful past-time of Arts & Crafts. All over to Brockley where self, Scott and Claire descended upon Howard and Jonathan’s where we indulged in an orgy of crochet, beading, gluing and sculpture. What a great afternoon, and congratulations to Jonathon who not only baked an enormous chocolate cake but also decorated a picture frame in a rather gorgeous array of pink and purple jewels.

Hair Quandry

I love my new hair, but God forbid that I keep it. I mean, I am currently sleeping with a towel on my pillow. There is very little residue but it will still rub off. I haven’t been able to swim as it will almost certainly fade immediately. Plus the work involved – wash/gel/blow-dry/more gel – is really more than I need in the morning. God knows why women put themselves through that kind of routine and worse every morning?

Showcase Blues

Regular readers of The Stage Newspaper, that bastion of all things theatrical, will know that it is one of the few publications that review Graduating Student Showcases. For the uninitiated these are generally daytime events that take place in a West End Theatre where drama students get to cram 3 years of training into 3 minutes before an audience of agents, producers and casting directors. I have been part of the small team who review these for the last 8 years and I have to say they are usually very jolly affairs where the mixture of fear, enthusiasm and joy amongst the students generate enough energy to practically run the theatre’s generators for three nights. Bright Young Things, indeed!

Now imagine the scenario at the (name withheld) Drama College…..

Bob: Right….I have three minutes of stage time in which I get to grab the agents attention. Three minutes. I get six if I work with Tony. Six minutes of theatre..mmm…. I was bloody good in that Shakespeare project we did last year but we shouldn’t do classical pieces, everybody knows that. Tarquin is doing the Ravenhill, so that’s off the cards. Oh dear God, we have to make our final decision in an hour! Shit!!!. Is Orton too obvious? What about Pinter? What about a song? Nah! Too poncy. And I’ll only be up against Mountview. Noooo! 2000 years of theatre and I can’t think what to do. Ahh, here’s Tony now, I wonder if he’s got any ideas?

Enter Tony, looking a little hungover but smiling.

Tony: Hey, Bob, did you see Will & Grace last night?

I ask you, we might be Dull, Old Things but do they think we were born yesterday?

Immodest Hair

For anyone who has been paying attention I have been currently cultivating a ‘new look’ to attend a performance this week. Vaguely approaching ‘retro’, that master of all things hair, Terry Wilson, completed the crowning glory.



I think it looks fab and I am really looking forward to going along to The Immodest Tease Show – an evening of the best of burlesque at Koko on Wednesday night. Hopefully I will get along to David’s birthday afterwards – if I am not arrested for being too blue!

A big thanks to Terry and John for being fantastic hosts on a cold Sunday night in Ladbrooke Grove. At most salon’s you’d be lucky to get a cup of coffee and a biscuit. I got a delicious Roast Lamb dinner and Alpine Green Hair!

Hurrah! Gareth Got A Job

Hotel-teen Gareth Sowerby – all hormones and e-numbers - has got a job working on the up-and-coming production of Gone With The Wind. That makes two people I know working on the show as the charming Lee Henderson (late of Desperately Sseeking Susan) is an ASM there too. Congratulations to both of them and best of luck on the show!

Luke Warm at The Landor

I usually enthuse about the projects that take place at the Landor Theatre in North Clapham ad have a soft spot for such a tiny venue that pulls out all the stops to bring you a musical. Anything Goes and Once Upon A Mattress being particular highlights over the years. Red Hot & Cole sadly doesn’t live up to the venues reputation. In all fairness, I sense the evening might have faired better had there been a full house, but that isn’t their fault. This particular evening I took Scott along, which made the audience swell to about ten people.

The evening was simply wrong. The show itself seemed unable to decide upon a decent set from an extensive cannon of Porter numbers. The story wasn’t too badly told, but steers well clear of anything as racy as his lyrics. The performances could have been better and seemed a little tired already. Don’t rest on your laurels, Landor, you can and will do better.

Oh Behave!

Whilst meandering around Wikpedia in search of diversion I discovered this little snippet that rather surprised me. I am sure I don’t remember the event, which must have been quite high-profile, being bandied about when I was a child growing up in Longlevens.

Peter Wyngarde aka Jason King (arguably the inspiration for Austin Powers!)

In 1975, he was arrested and convicted for an act of "gross indecency" with a truck driver in the toilets of Gloucester bus station. His homosexuality was well known in acting circles, where he was known as 'the Major', because of a ten-year-long relationship he had from 1956 with fellow actor Alan Bates. This conviction, which by today's standards is not very substantial, then probably ruined his career.

Caption Competition

A prize - as yet undisclosed - for the best caption for this pic.

Party Hair

Things took a delightful tumble this last weekend as some rare time off coincided with
(a) Terry & John’s Annual Party
(b) Andy & Christian going to see Hairspray
(c) David & Vince going to see the Terracotta Warriors &

(d) Me, needing a hair cut.

Soon I found myself gathering further troops – Chris, fresh from a football match (whatever that is? Some kind of open-air theatre I should imagine) and Paul, who was simply fresh!

It was great to see everyone again and I took the opportunity to get my hair cut and party with the best of them. I think Andy assumes I do this kind of thing every weekend but to be honest, the last time I went out like this was in early December – the last time Vince and David were over from Ireland.

Sadly my current squeeze was playing the devoted father in France this weekend so naturally I would be able to flirt like mad and ooze sexuality. Judging by the pictures I simply drank too much instead!

Great music, Mr Bump – I knew it was Electro all the time!



Angelina Doyle - putting the Gloss in the Gloucester-boy!!!

Here - Tristan Bates Theatre, London

March 6 - 15
Author: Michael Frayn
Director: Robert Wolstenholme
Producer: Signal Theatre Company
Cast: Kellie Batchelor, Paul Callahan & Rosalie Jorda
Running Time: 2 hours

Michael Frayn’s philosophical comedy deals with a young couple, moving into a flat together for the first time. Judging by the opening scene, this play appears to have been structured entirely to show-house a peculiar style of writing. Pages of monosyllabic questions and half answers may appear very clever on the page but they certainly don’t ignite emotion in the audience. Thankfully there is a master at work and Frayn cushions this thoroughly modish style with a soft heart.



From the moment Kellie Batchelor as Cath and Paul Callahan as Phil walk on stage they establish the characters they play. Cath and Phil are not dynamic go-getters or twenty-four hour party people but mildly intelligent, working class, twenty-something’s. The leaps and twists of Frayn’s clever dialogue establish that the two are very much in love, not by any protestations of romance but simply by understanding each other’s verbal shorthand. To highlight this linguistic intimacy a third party is added in the shape of Pat played with poignancy by Rosalie Jorda. She seems incomprehensible to the young couple but gradually they accept her to a degree and come to realise there is more to sharing your life than simply dividing the living space.

Batchelor and Callahan have taken the bull by the horns with this play and dragged it kicking and screaming into a naturalistic piece of intimate theatre. Batchelor demonstrates an innate calm that suits Cath perfectly and such assurance on stage requires the perfect foil. In Phil, Callahan has craftily created an affectionate monster, forever questioning, rarely at rest. Director Robert Wolstenholme might have instilled a little more action to counterpoint the meandering dialogue but has generally put together a thoughtful and entertaining production greatly aided by Christopher Hone’s realistic set.

Theatrical Leaning

Trying to schedule a meeting has been impossible lately due to my really high workload at the moment. So it was not without glee that Howard agreed to ‘walk and talk’ during a particularly mad evening in London. First stop, the Shaw Theatre for the launch of Steven Berkoff’s latest tome – My Life In Food. Something of a departure for Berkoff one might think but it certainly beats (yet another) celebrity biography. The book itself isn’t half bad and fans of the original ‘method in his madness’ actor may well enjoy his musings on the association between love and food. Howard and I certainly made a headway into the free wine and cheese on offer. Jumping into a cab we then headed over to the delights of the Jermyn Street Theatre, for my second helping of GAS for the season. The Great American Songbook for the uninitiated.

The artist plying his trade this evening proved to have quite a big fan base in the ‘over 50’ age range and as Howard squeezed his huge frame into possibly the worst seats I have ever had at Jermyn Street, I began to think that this may not be Howard’s cup-of-tea at all. Surprisingly Steve Ross was rather good and his selection of numbers confronted such meaty issues as, sex, more sex, drugs, drugs with sex and a bit more sex. I sensed Howard might have fitted perfectly into the early 20th Century USA.

Cruella de Jongh?

There appear to be many people who dislike the theatre critic, Nicholas de Jongh. In truth, I have not really had many dealings with him but contemporaries have told most peculiar tales ranging from the insistence upon aisle seating through to the removal of his shirt in over-heated theatres. Personally, I was happy to reserve my judgement on NdeJ simply because I had had not contact with him whatsoever. Until last Christmas, when I happened to be seated near him during a production at the (late?!) Drill Hall. It was here that NdeJ harangued a punter – a punter I hasten to add. A real ticket payer, not one of us working girls – for placing a bag on the empty seat next to him. You may think it a minor incident but it did very little to endear me to his already forbidding reputation.



That said, I was highly interested to see a play he has recently had produced at the Finborough Theatre called Plague Over England. The play was an extremely well crafted piece, witty and poignant in turns, with a thoroughbred cast to boot. I now believe that the play has sold out for the rest of the run – nowhere for anyone to put their bags with this one!